the night had aged. so had she, she thought to herself. why am I here? what am I doing? why do I feel stagnant, restless, unmoved, alone? she wanted to feel something else, anything else. and so she approached him. with wide eyes and a wide, empty smile, she lured him in with the hope of feeding herself. when he obliged, she felt a weight lifted. an anxiety lessened, a moment of hope and excitement appeared and temporarily replaced everything else.
and in a flash, it was over. she was back to that restless state of confusion, anxiety, and loneliness. he asked 'do you want me to stay?' and she didn't know. she didn't know who she was, what she wanted, how to proceed. her mind felt empty, yet it was so so full. full of past fears, full of worry, full of anxiety, full of what if's and i can'ts. so full she couldn't make sense of it.
but he could. he always could. even in the beginning. that night, he said to her 'you need clarity' and then he was gone. she was grateful, but it saddened her. she wanted to be better, be more, be confident, be happy, be secure and, most of all, be seen as okay, even if she wasn't. but he saw her, he always saw her for exactly what she was. she was okay, even if she needed some clarity. she was confident, even if she needed a push. she was secure, even if she needed some reassurance. and he was there in al lthe right ways. there and aware.
