Don't overthink. Don't notice when they do something nice for you. Think of it instead as something that shouldn't have happened. When they spoil you, think of it as material only. That's all it is. A blanket solution to what you really deserve. Hold yourself in the highest regard. Be over confident. Protect your vulnerable soul. Spoil yourself. Align your priorities. Make mental notes and to-do lists. Focus on the ceiling. Don't focus on what they are thinking. Focus on the sky. On the sound of the traffic outside. On the hustle and bustle around you. Don't notice the hand kisses. Focus on the wheels of the car turning on pavement. On the left hand signal ticking. Look beyond the caresses and detailed touch of your hands, lower back, neck. Notice instead the dust bunnies in the corner, on the ceiling. Think of the weather. The weather is always a safe scapegoat. Think of your chores. All that laundry, cleaning, dishes, if you have an animal, all the better. Don't notice when they say something that makes your heart tingle with joy. Think of being a small speck on a giant planet. Focus on what you will be doing in a few years. Remember your grandparents. Remember the love that surrounds you, that was there before they even existed in your life. Dismiss feeling accepted by them and replace it with confidence. Don't overthink their consistent future plans that seem to include you. Whatever you do, avoid eye contact. Because you know it's easy to read your soul and you want to protect it. Most importantly, be independent. Don't focus on their reactions. Just be alright. Just do you.
And inevitably fail. Once, twice, maybe even three times. But always keep trying. Because you never give up.
