I’ve never been one to hide behind my demons, instead I choose to face them all head on
This singular fact has saved my life more than once
We were stark opposites in that regard
You hid behind your wall, strong and firm and solid on the outside
But your interior was full of mould, wishing to be seen and cleared
You once thanked me for lending you the tools I worked so hard for
The sad part is you never used them
You avoided your stuff, letting it eat away at your happiness, your dreams, your goals, your person
Hiding behind the next person that you can become a part of, be proud of, deflect on
Whether you know it or not. You’re half of what you could be!
I wish I could force you to wake up. I wish I could hug you once more on your side stoop and tell you thank you, for being the best gift I’ve ever received. I want to tell you that it’s safe to fall apart. That I’ll catch you and teach you to use the tools I have so earnestly been sharpening over here. I want you to know that you won’t really fall apart, and that no pain is too big. I want to reiterate things I’ve learned on my healing journey such as no feeling is final. I want to impart wisdom. I want to be wanted, I want to help you heal on your journey as much as you’ll let me, while still knowing that it’s an individual task. I want you to admit that your trauma is alive in you and that you want it to die.
I want you to admit that you lied. I want you to remember when you told me ‘I love you and I forever will.’
Tell me, is this forever?
