criminal injury compensation case #1816
as i submit records of therapy costs calculated at over seven thousand dollars
as i contact doctors and dentists to verify the extend of my physical and mental injuries
recounting the headaches, the pain, the trauma, the upset stomach, the anxiety, the bedtime fears, the stress and tension, the failed relationships, the addiction
as i include evidence of your reactions, telling the world that he did it, telling the world that he admitted it but has 'felt so bad all these years', the truth coming out from behind a veil, while you're still his number one cheerleader, unable and unwilling to leave his side
as i ask dear friends of mine to write letters for me, detailing when i told them what happened, how it has affected my life, how they know i am not lying, how they know i am trying to heal and forgive and let go and move on
as i relive and review every piece of my healing journey to catalogue it so that someone, somewhere, in an ivory tower can decide how much it was all worth and give a monetary value to a life that was riddled with ptsd and trauma from a ripe age of five
you still have the audacity to ask me if i'm free for tea on family day weekend
like i'd want to spend it in your company
like nothing happened
like you aren't still 'happily' 'blissfully' married to my abuser
the admitted abuser
perseverance is a double edged sword
it has kept me going
through this case, through this life, through the trials and tribulations and mistakes and blunders
and it keeps you going
leading you in the dark
TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS
until you can see, i want no part of your perseverance
